Friday, April 27, 2012

A Tribute to Abby

I want to share a video that I created of Abby that depicts her short but sweet little life.  It was very difficult to create this, but I am so pleased with it.  I hope you all enjoy.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Abby's Reflection

These are words spoken by Roberto's brother, Luis at Abby's funeral only three weeks ago....

Abby Rose

Abby's short life with us 
reminds me of poetry;
Short and sweet,
Just a few words, 
just a few breaths, 
but powerful and deeply felt.  

And like poetry 
Abby is also Memorable! 
She will be remembered 
in so many hearts 
and in so many ways.

Abby is one of my heroes
She is My New Arc Angel:

The name Abby, short for Abigail 
comes from the Hebrew word 
for Father, 

Abby in Hebrew means Father's joy!
And our Heavenly Father 
surely rejoices in her, 
his tiny and tender 
little rosebud.

Abby is also Roberto's joy. 
A piece of Heaven on earth!

Kim is right in calling you a Rock! 

And like St Joseph you quietly stand 
Mirror of Patience 
& Pillar of your beautiful Family!

And Abby is that tender 
and little rosebud 
which bloomed mysteriously 
in between your rock
and Aimee's garden- 

It reminds me of a poem written by Helen Steiner-Rice
Which I would like to share with you

The Tiny Rosebud God Picked 
to Bloom in Heaven 

The Master Gardener
from heaven above
Planted a seed
in the garden of love,
And from it there grew
a rosebud small
That never had time
to open at all.
For God in His perfect
and all-wise way
Chose this rose
for His heavenly bouquet,
And great was the joy
of this tiny rose
To be the one our Father chose
to leave earth's garden
For one on high
where roses bloom always
And never die.
So, while you can't see
your precious rose bloom,
You know the great Gardener
from the upper room
Is watching and tending
this wee rose with care,
Tenderly touching
each petal so fair.
So think of your darling with angels above,
Secured and contented and surrounded by love,
And remember God blessed
and enriched your lives, too,
For in dying 
your darling brought heaven 
closer to you!

And I would add
That in both
Living and dying
Abby brought Heaven
closer to all of us!!!

I thought she had completed her mission
And now I realize that her mission has just begun
And it's still here with us

Abby is still doing her little miracles!!!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Purple Balloon

This past weekend, we finalized Abby’s grave marker and are happy with the design.  It will have her name, her birth date, death date, a quote “In the Arms of an Angel” gifted by my niece Melissa and a purple balloon!

As I’m sure you know, balloons for children are so much fun and for Abby's two celebration days, I wanted balloons in her honor.   My kids love balloons; they love catching them, blowing them up and popping them, all for a good laugh.   So what better way to create an atmosphere for children than to have party balloons as the theme!  We were going to go out and buy the balloons and set them up ourselves, but that felt overwhelming and burdensome.  (Imagine transporting 23 helium balloons in everyone's cars to the cemetery!)  Not to mention, there was no time.  So Roberto suggested we order them from a local balloon shop in town , "Balloons all Over", so off we went during our planning and preparation for her services.  The owner (I assume it was the owner) was sweet.  I explained that I wanted balloons for the funeral home, the cemetery and the church hall.  I specifically wanted pinks and purples.  I was worried about how they would look but she took care of the design.  She said "I just delivered balloons for three bar mitzvahs this morning, I've got this".  Thank goodness.  One less thing to have to decide and I was in a very allowing mood at that point!  When it came time to pay for them, I said "so when do we pay for these?".  Her response was "I'm all set".  I was a bit shocked and said again, "no seriously, when do we pay for these?".  She said " You are going to make me cry....I have four healthy kids and I can't imagine going through what you are going through".  She started to cry and I gave her a big hug and replied "Thank you so much.  That is very generous of you!!!".  We walked out in disbelief.  We were awe struck.  We strongly believe that what had just happened was because of Abby and realized that two gifts were given by her during this moment.  One was for me and Roberto.  Here we are burying a baby.  Financially that is a big undertaking.  Abby was telling us not to worry.  I've got this one covered!  The second gift was for that sweet woman.  Here she is, giving what God asks of us daily, an act of charity to two complete strangers during a very difficult time in their lives.  I am forever grateful for this act of kindness.

The day of the funeral, as we drove to the cemetery I saw an employee from the funeral home holding Abby's 23 balloons with conviction and strength!  23 balloons to represent the 23 short days of her life.  It was a boisterous gusty day.  He was so intent on not letting them go.  When we arrived, Father Houston gave a small prayer to conclude her blessings.  Then the man gave Roberto the balloons.  As the five of us held the balloons, I let my children know that Abby will be shining upon us always and if we ever needed her, to simply pray to her.  Then we counted down and let the balloons go.  They were scooped up by the wind instantly and all of a sudden one purple balloon let go from the rest of the pack.  My mom shouted "THERE SHE GOES!!"  It was breathtaking.  Everyone there believes that the single purple balloon in some way was Abby.  I am certain it was!! 

The book, “The Purple Balloon” was recently given to us by Roberto’s oldest brother, of which all proceeds go to critically ill children.  The book is about children, knowing that they are going to die.  I guess when children are asked to draw their feelings about their pending death, they often draw a purple or blue balloon!!  Abby let go of a single purple balloon that day.  Isn’t this uncanny?  The parallels are just incredible.  It just validates all that I believe in and my heart is tickled knowing that Abby sent us a message of love using her purple balloon.  

Monday, April 9, 2012

All of us visiting Abby's grave on Easter morning.  I wish we were visiting her in the hospital instead.  :(

Dearest Abby

Dearest Abby,

Do you remember our last talk the night before your surgery?  I do.  So vividly.  It amazes me really and I will never forget it.  I explained to you that you were going to have a very important surgery.  A tracheostomy.  I further explained to you that you needed it and that it would help you to breathe.  I then told you whatever happens during your surgery was between you and God and that I will trust in Jesus.  I sang my favorite lullaby to you, Silent Night.  Then I kissed your forehead over and over and laid you down for the night.  That was the last time I held you in my arms.  

Prior to the day of the surgery, I had such anxiety, mostly due to fear of the unknown.  My worries were never ending it seemed.  But the day of the surgery I felt such peace.  As we walked in the NICU, we saw your tracheostomy supplies and a doll with a tracheostomy to show us what a baby would look like.  I picked up that doll and I wasn't afraid.  I was actually excited to be here finally.  A chance to take you home.

Before the doctors whisked you away, we had Father Bob come to your bedside to pray with us.  I wept.  I wept for joy.  Joy that this was the beginning of you finally coming home!   You left the NICU at 10:45 am and you never returned.

While I had peace those last hours of your life, your dad was like a wild beast!  We switched roles that day.  I am usually the impatient one, worried about everything while your dad worries about nothing... but not that time.    He  knew something wasn't right when we weren't receiving updates from the liaison nurse.  I told him to relax that everything was going to be okay.  I wish I was right.

Abby, never did it occur to me that you would chose eternal life over the life that I wanted for you.  I wanted you to come home with a tracheostomy. I wanted you with me and your family.  But God wanted you in his home with his holy family and you chose perfectly.  I am so proud of you Abby.  So proud that you chose God.

But, I have to admit, it is extremely difficult for me to comprehend all of this.  My understanding and acceptance glides back and forth.  I keep telling myself  "I don't understand.  I don't get it".  With everything that I have been through; the initial diagnosis, the transfer of my care to B&W at 37 weeks, and then your arrival.  All wonderful successes.  And then this?  It makes no sense when I think of myself but perfect sense when I think of you and how difficult it must have been for you to choose what you did.  You brave little rosebud.  I can't imagine what it is like for any child to grow up with all of the complexities that CD would invite.  And here you were, given the chance to escape that!  And you did.

As I cry as the days go on, I try to remind myself, "she chose this".  Somehow, I believe that you knew what was happening even though you were only three weeks old.  Somehow, you knew that your time on earth was limited.  You had such a significant presence about you.

As I look back on the day you left me, I imagine you entering the gates of heaven with song and dance and glory!!   I imagine that you went running straight into Jesus' arms.  It gives me joy and comfort knowing that you are in heaven.  My baby, pure and free from sin.  My baby, who I used to pray for morning, day and night...I now pray to.

I miss you. I miss holding you.  I miss singing to you.  I miss smelling you.  I miss everything about you.


Your Mommy

I am Abby

The following are the words spoken by Abby's aunt, Kim at her funeral and I want to share them with you.

I am Abigail Rose Bachman-  Be it done unto me according to your word...

I am Aimee Bachman - A handmaid of the Lord

I am Roberto Bachman - The Rock

Together they have been walking a path of faith, hope and courage unknown to most...

Since the moment Aimee and Roberto found out about Abby's condition, they accepted every new development, setback, and joy with their hearts wide open, all the while, keeping everyone up to date with her progress, before her birth and after.  We all watched as they forged ahead with faith, resolve and strength.  Every mother I have spoken to, without exception, said the same thing "I don't know how they are doing it".  And now they are burying their baby girl and I ask again "how are they doing it?"

I have had the absolute honor of being at Abby's first birth day and what a party it was!  A miracle!

I was also given the profound gift of being there on the day she died...again, a miracle!

In Aimee and Roberto's last hour with their little girl, Aimee generously asked me if I wanted to hold her, I couldn't wait.  A big YES!  As I looked down at her beautiful, perfect face, I was holding her body only, her spirit was in heaven, I knew I was holding the daughter of a most perfect God.  I felt the majesty and greatness of our creator.  I closed my eyes for a moment and I saw Abby in an open field with the greenest grass and wild flowers everywhere dancing and twirling with Jesus and other children, I knew she was okay...And I felt this incredible sense of peace.

Who can know why Abby was here for such a short time, I do not...

What I do know, is that in her three short weeks of life, without lifting a finger, thinking a thought, Abby touched each one of us in a different profound way.

Emilia, Lucas and Lily, remember this: your Mommy and Daddy have given you the biggest gift ever, a baby sister angel in heaven and she will be there with you and for you all the days of your life...

Aimee and Roberto:

Because of your YES, I prayed more...

Becuase of your YES, I cried more...

And Because of your YES, I love more...

So, I thank you for the gift of Abby and although she has left this earth, I have a sneaky suspicion she's only just begun her magic!  God Bless you both and your family.  Hail Mary, full of grace......

Sunday, April 1, 2012

I Praise you in this storm

This is a song that a mom from my support group shared with me.  I love it.  It is powerful for me and I want to share it.  I just play it over and over trying to find comfort in what has happened.  It makes me cry (but everything makes me cry right now!).  Hope you enjoy it.