I can’t believe how long it has been since my last
post. I was just telling Roberto today
how uninspired I have been about posting.
Mostly due to the fluctuation in my feelings. One day I can wake up and feel acceptance and
peace and want to embrace life for what it is.
Then the next day I can wake up and feel intense sadness and
despair. My feelings are not continuous
yet so it would be strange for me post my highs one day and lows the next and
be all over the place. But then I
realized that, isn’t this normal? And
so, yes, yes it is. It is my truth. So I accept the emotional roller coaster for
what it is and will express what I am feeling if I need to and not worry if my readers think I am nuts! Don't worry, I already know I am!!
So I would like to share where I am at today...
Finding gifts within my pain and my struggles has been my latest
mission.
I attended a party this past weekend, and was catching up
with some friends that I hadn’t seen in a while and was sharing my experiences from
the past year. And I realized that while
telling ‘my story’, I am harboring ill feelings still toward my High Risk
OBGYN. If there is anyone who I am still
at internal odds with, it is her. I am hurting
still from that experience. I thought I
let it go, but I guess not if I am still sharing the events that took
place. I told my friend that I am more
upset with this woman, than I am at the surgeon who was responsible for Abby’s
life! Does this make any sense? I realize that it kinda does. I found closure with Abby’s surgeon and
medical team. They respected our family
and our decisions and they accepted responsibility for what happened to
Abby. But I did not find closure from my
OBGYN. I don’t want to be the story, to
replay the old tapes. I want to let it go!! So I feel like I need to write this in order to embrace life and move forward…
Dear Dr. Greene,
I am embracing life as best as I can with what I have
today. Today I have found a gift within
my struggles.
I want to own my end of our doctor-patient
relationship. I cannot change what has
happened and I fully accept that. I was
an emotional pregnant mama and you were just being you. I am not a victim, even though that is how I
felt. I am a mother who wanted the best
for her baby. From this moment forward, I
will embrace my experience!! I now fully realize that because of our experience together, that I ended up where God
wanted me to be all along, with Abby at Children’s Hospital. We were meant to be in those circumstances
together to fulfill His greater plan. For
this gift, I am eternally grateful to you for doing his work, whether we
realized it or not.
And with that said, I forgive you!
Aimee B.
Whether my doctor ever reads this letter or not, it doesn’t
matter. Forgiveness is about my freedom,
my own liberation. It is not about
making her feel better, but it is about making me feel better. And I do!!
