Abby's Special Day

I am having a really really hard time getting the inspiration to write about Abby’s Remembrance Day Celebration.   I don't know why really.  I guess I'm just really sad that it is over.....

Overall, it was a great day.  I feel proud of Roberto and me.  I feel blessed to have been able to give her the day that she deserved.  But it was a bitter-sweet day. 

I am so touched by the love that we received on Saturday.  It was a day I wanted to ‘celebrate’ and not dread.  We did a great job just doing that!

We were gathered by friends and family to celebrate Abby.  I believe about 45 in total!  I was worried that Abby’s essence would be lost in the chaos.  So Roberto created these Abby Stories all around our home with a ribbon in the right hand corner and hung them up on the walls.  (They are still there).  In the depths of the loudness and laughter, children’s cries and party doings, it kept Abby near me and helped to remind me why we were doing this in the first place.  I believe we did a great job keeping Abby’s memory alive.

We had a cake for little miss Abby.  I made a rainbow cake with purple icing.  Emilia decorated the icing with a rainbow made with skittles and marshmallows for clouds.  Abby’s name was spelled with skittles too!  A few days prior, the kids asked ‘who will blow out the candles’??  My reply was ‘Me’.  I wanted to do it.  When the time came, we sang Abby a Happy Birthday!  I cried through most of it.  Not many could see that, but I held back the tears as best as I could.  Imagine singing happy birthday to your child who isn’t with you to blow out her own candle.  That opportunity will never be had. 

When it was time for the balloon release, we grabbed our sharpies and wrote messages to Abby in heaven.  I got writer’s block!  I ended up with a simple I LOVE YOU ABBY!  She knows it too!  The balloon release was spectacular!  I loved it!  It was breathtaking seeing 50 balloons rise in the sky!  Makes me smile when I think about it!

We received a nice collection of baby toys, clothes and books to donate to CHB.  We received some lovely personal gifts too.  Thank you!!  Also, thank you friends and family who brought some yummy appetizers and desserts.  And for just being there to hold our hands. 

So Abby’s birthday has passed.  It felt good leading up to her birthday.  My heart felt warm, feeling loved and supported by my community, friends and family. 

And now I feel like I am slipping back down.  Back down the mud slide.  Grief has a funny way of doing that to you.  The emotional roller coaster.  It really does exist.